I have been thinking a lot about what I had wanted out of my blog ever since I saw myself being mocked online. I had originally started this blog after my story came out in the SparkPeople cookbook.

Aubrey suggested that I expand upon my story and explain how I was able to lose (and keep off) over 90 pounds by using SparkPeople. I have “found my spark” as one might say. ;)

What had I hoped to accomplish by blogging though? Well, I would love it if I was ever able to help someone else reach their goals. But I don’t think I have actually done much on this front. I have been blogging some recipes like I used to on SparkPeople and I talk about weight loss, mostly on Wednesdays. But I haven’t really done it in a way that might inspire someone.

Then again, certain things only happen to me, so I doubt talking about them would help anyone else. Who else puts on a coat with a broken zipper that then gets stuck? Only me. I was able to pull my arms out, but the neck hole was too small for me to pull it off. Aubrey suggested I try and use pliers to get the zipper to budge.

No dice.

I paced my hallway trying to convince the zipper to budge when I finally had to just grab some scissors and cut myself out. Cut myself out of a coat… In the hallway of my apartment… I swear I have a college degree. Granted it’s in Office Management and not the Mechanics of Zippers, but still.

Even once I was free I couldn’t get the zipper to move. I don’t know the proper terms, but the one side jumped two rungs of the other side. So now my coat is completely worthless. Yay!

I have been blogging (about more than worthless coats) for about six months on this particular site and I don’t think I’ve quite found my voice. I can certainly share a story about my insanity, but that’s not quite what I had set out to do (I swear). I wanted to share the things I have learned throughout my journey. I lost weight very slowly, but even now I’m not quite where I want to be. So I’m still learning.

I would love to go back to school and study nutrition and dietetics, but that silly little thing called money has put that idea on the back burner for now. I have talked about my social anxiety before, but I also haven’t fully let it out how much this impacts my working/schooling plans.

Going back to school is a bit scary to me, even if I could afford it. Especially when I found out just how much schooling I would need if I really did want to work in the nutrition field. I’d also love to be able to stay home if we are ever able to have children. I didn’t realize Aubrey and I would still be childless after so many years of trying. I’d love to homeschool my future kids, but that’s an entirely different blog.

So right now, I’m feeling really stuck. I don’t really know how to get the things I want. I don’t know how to use my hobby to reach out to help and/or connect with others going through the same things I am. I don’t know where exactly I see my life heading.

At least I have an awesome best friend in Tawnya who I can whine to. She even understands my food struggles since she has almost as many food allergies/intolerances as I have. She made this corn-free “cornbread” and kindly let me try some.

I have never had actual cornbread before so I’m not a good judge on how it should taste. It seemed too sweet to go with a savory meal, but not sweet enough to be considered cake. How lucky am I that I have friends who share their food with me though? Because they know that “Amber doesn’t share food!” ;)

Sorry for the downer post today. I just have a lot on my mind. I hope you all are gearing up for a great Easter weekend.

This has nothing to do with anything, but did anyone else know that oven temperatures could be so far off? Check out Angela’s post about checking your oven temperature. Maybe this is why I have so many kitchen mishaps!